Sun., May. 2, 2010 7:00 PM PDT by Ruby Gettinger


I know the cross you bear feels like forever, but the time is here to start over and turn back never!



I will not surrender to the beast! You have been watching me from day one and have been walking hand in hand with me. I've read your posts and emails and I know just how you feel. We all are fighting different battles and going after different dreams, but we all feel the same. I understand why an alcoholic wants to drink, how someone becomes a drug addict, why someone listens to music or watches TV 24/7. Some people go through life so fast making sure they can't feel or think too much. Others medicate to numb the mind, body and soul so they can't think or feel.



I've been fighting every step of the way! At times it's so hard I can feel myself leave and I become numb. By losing weight from the inside out, I have found out one thing, my friends. Please, everyone, hear me loud and clear—children, teenagers, adults, PLEASE HEAR ME! The dreams you want so bad, or the addiction you want to overcome, will not happen until you face the feelings, the beast, the parent, teacher, man, woman, siblings... the ugly words, rejection, abandonment, abuse... I am talking about the one that lives in your mind, memory, soul...the ugly words they said to you, the things they made you do, whatever they did to make you go so fast, whatever they did to make you so numb, whatever they did to make you cut or hurt yourself so you can't feel. I want to tell you it is time to feel what we never want to feel, hear what we do not want to hear, see what we do not want to see and release ourselves today to freedom.



I have to lose 50-70 more pounds before the plastic surgery. Plastic surgery, WOW! Overwhelms me! The next step in my journey is to find out my past. With the support and love of my family, friends, Dr. Jane, Tennie McCarty and Paula White. I know I can now go through EMDR! Please keep me in your prayers as I go down a road that has always been forbidden to me. You heard me say I prayed, waited and wanted someone to save me because I couldn't save myself. I could not get control over what was controlling me. Food, drugs, alcohol, medication, a man, a woman—nothing can save us! NOTHING can save us except US! I was living in a cage and knew someone had the key and thought if I could just find that person they would unlock my cage and I would be free. Never realizing I created that cage by my own hands; it was my security blanket, my shelter, and I was the one with the key.



My words on ANY ADDICTION:



I hear there is a house with no doors or windows.

She lives there alone.

She has no way out because she makes no way out.

She plans to live there so many years.

She is slowly dying.

She won't let you in.

She can't hear you.

She is numb.

She keeps still, so she will have no pain.

She hums a song no one knows.

She sleeps and sleeps.

She is slowing down, her body parts can't even work, they haven't moved in so long.

She's not scary.

She's just scared.

She lives in a house with no doors and no windows.



I believe addiction numbs us and makes us not feel a thing. It is slowly killing us! There is a life to be lived and it is our life, our purpose, our destiny. Fear is a liar! I believe fear is the first thing that attracts our addiction. We must face our fears! Fear is someone that came into our life uninvited and somehow made a home. Open your doors and windows to your mind and soul today. Let it GO! Trust yourself!



What truly matters to me is the way you treat another human being. We are the same! Yes, we have different dreams, desires, hopes and challenges, and it is so sad to me that the majority of the world cannot see beyond our outer shell. Y'all, really search deep inside your soul, mind, spirit and heart and see how shallow it is to not love, accept, reach out or help someone because of their nationality, color, size, income, education, religion, illness...Is it really all about our outer shell and not the soul? Will you really hate, deny or cast out someone because they are different from you?



FEAR IS THE ENEMY, NOT PEOPLE! Fear comes from childhood! Fear comes from what you are taught to believe and your soul tells you this is not right! Fear is evil!



This next part of my journey is about to begin. Please start your journey today with me. You are ready! Click here to go over the 12 steps. If you need help, encouragement or need to know you're not alone, click here and read my words. Please reach out and talk to someone. In the reaching out, I promise you will cross over. Reach out to Tennie and Paula—they would love to help you!



I know the cross you bear feels like forever, but the time is here to start over and turn back never!